Everyone always tells you
Cut people off
Leave them behind if they do no good for you
But
No one ever told me
That when you do so
You end up eliminating everyone you’ve ever known
They don’t tell you that fun nights turn into working long hours
Drinking alone
Laughing at your own jokes
Feeling your own pain
They don’t tell you that loneliness creeps up on you like a sickness, and suddenly not only your body, but your heart starts to ache with nostalgia
And when you come to the conclusion that dealing with everyones bullshit kept you more happy and occupied than you can keep yourself on your own, and drinking a whole bottle of wine by yourself rather than laughing with everyone else just isn’t the same,
You start to wonder
Why you were so high on life to possibly think that you could live without anyone else
And then you realize
Its them that made you feel like you could
And without them
You may be better off in the end
But you will never forget
And you were way much better surrounded by them in the present
The toxic ones
I realized that good people have bad in them, and its the same the other way around
Its not always who’s the best for you
But its who makes you feel the most alive in a world where everyone else makes you feel like you should die

I’ve learned to get really good at this - say one thing when I’m thinking about something else, act like I’m listening when I’m not, pretend to be calm and happy when I’m really freaking out. It’s one of the skills you perfect as you get older.